Unmasking My Pride, My Prejudice

While we are in sabbatical at home, I’m discovering things about myself that I was not so aware of before. I knew that I have a scoliosis and a lordosis diagnosed in Junior high school. I spent 3 years in corrective gym, strengthening and flexing my back, all through High School. Then in February of my senior year, I was a passenger in a major car accident, and broke my back. I guess all those exercises paid off, because though I’d three lumbar fractures, the spine didn’t shift at all despite getting to the hospital the next day. I was in a body cast for four months, and chronic pain for several years after that.

My pain healed with the help of a trainer/shaman who did Tai Chi and weightlifting with me, and also Yoga. I have been doing yoga on and off since then, and using forward bends to stretch my spine, if it should start to ache. For the last 15 years however, I stopped doing it at all. When I’d done classes I’d always be in pain for a couple of days afterwards. My body is just inflexible, and as I’ve aged it’s gotten more and more stiff. Too stiff.

Lately I’ve started doing the sun exercise from yoga, on my own, and it feels good. But I realize now, it’s not enough. My body is really out of alignment- my head sticks forward, my shoulders are forward, my left hip sticks way out, my buttocks stick out , and my stomach poufs out. I am very self-conscious of this deformity in my body, suddenly.

I’ve not been paying attention to myself. I’ve been taking care of everyone else, and struggling with life’s logistics. And I’ve gotten older. It’s time to take care of me.

So, I’m doing 4 things now: The yoga sun exercise, six directions of neck stretches, and the Empath Stretches, for about 15 minutes 2 times a day. I also jog for a mile each morning.

I’m thinking about eliminating caffeine from my morning routine, and cutting back on dietary sugars. Chocolate seems like a necessity these days, but I’m actually thinking of limiting it to once a week.

I love cooking healthy whole foods, and eating greens, wild or organic. I’m beginning to drink more herb teas, especially teas for lung health, immune boosting and digestion. I have terrible digestion and have been ignoring all the gaseous productions of my gut for too long. It’s getting better now with some Pro-biotic vitamins, eating no dairy or gluten, and less corn.

I’m about 15 pounds heavier than I’d like to be, ideally. Losing that weight would be nice, and seems possible now. I’m in a stable fairly stress-free life. I have everything I need. There’s no where to go at the moment, with the quarantine life we are leading, so the nervous eating is unnecessary (I guess it always was, but it didn’t feel like it!)

I’ve been putting myself out there with my Empatharian videos doing dancing and moving for fun, energy, and a peace prayer. People of all shapes and sizes, can do this work, and I wanted to demonstrate that. Us fairly normal folk, who may not be ballerinas, or exercise enthusiasts particularly, can be motivated to do the Empatharian work, because it has meaning. It means something that others can see and read in our movements, a communication.

I am prejudiced. I am proud. But I am open as well. There isn’t much I can do but share my process, my journey, as I grow and evolve. It begins with acknowledging where I am: a crumpled hurt normal person, who can do extraordinary things, and push boundaries, when necessary.

Join me?!

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